{source: freewriting}

  {08152020}               

source: 
inspiration. references. data. news. rumor. gossip. innuendo. 
the river has a source: a rising, a surge of motion, release, underground water

source: noun or verb
birthplace, origin, wellhead, headwaters 

surgere   (Latin)
sourdre (old French) to rise
source     (late ME)

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Even now, my thought process is slow—overslept into almost early afternoon, a deep sleep held me for almost twelve hours, steady, without release, without interruption, so even now the body feels underwater, drowning in a numb stillness, every small gesture a heaviness, a drunken stumble across the room or even simply opening a book, flipping the light switch—broken blunt communication: verbs controlling speech pattern: wander, sit, try to focus, to ignite braincells, 

a blur of—no rather use the analogy of a rowboat, a bark, middle of the sea, neither calm nor — but the boat and self, wanting to move but the— a stammering of verbs and vowels and lack of cohesion, the abstraction of awareness heightened, in control or perhaps not in control, lack of control is controlling the synapses, the engine in low gear stumbling over ruts in the road, gravel spitting off tires, backroads of Georgia woods, mockingbird trills, cicada drones, humidity as a blanket wrapped around like a heavy sleep wraps around as humidity as awareness of the warm environment holds trying to find self or no try to find words to connect, bridge the distance of deep dreaming to light wakefulness/full awareness—that’s what is missing full awareness, I am still on the verge of falling asleep again even as I type, watch the letters form on the screen, strike a key a letter forms, displays itself—

•••

“Tonight I want to say something wonderful
for the sleepwalkers who have so much faith
in their legs, so much faith in the invisible

arrow carved into the carpet, the worn path
that leads to the stairs instead of the window,
the gaping doorway instead of the seamless mirror” (ll.1-6). 
                —Ed Hirsch, “For the Sleepwalkers”

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burning bridges— https://fragmentedportrait.blogspot.com/